Postpartum Depression (aka Post Piper Depression) is a something I have been meaning to post on but just haven't gotten around to it. Most women go through a form of PPD after they have a baby and while I don't think that mine was all that serious, I do want to at least share my story so that others who read my blog don't always think everything is always rainbows.
Around one month after Piper was born is about when things started to go downhill. I think the lack of sleep was the biggest contributor. I already have a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep, I always have. So getting up every few hours at night was really more like staying up all night long because by the time I would fall asleep, she would be up again. I also had some disattachment issues, where I didn't feel connected at all to her and I think staying home by myself was a hard adjustment for me. I would cry sometimes because I was tired, or because she was crying, or just because.
Then I just started crying all the time over my mom. Every time I thought about her I would cry, and I was starting to think about her all the time. I would see a picture of her and start to cry, I would think about what kind of mother I was crying all the time and not feeling connected and feel that I was failing my own mom in some way, which of course would cause me to cry some more.
This all lead me to go see a psychiatrist. I cried through an hour session with her. Where afterwards she gave prescribed some medication for depression as well as some sleeping medication. This was right around 6 weeks postpartum. The depression medication though made me sick so I stopped taking it after a couple days. But the sleep medication was amazing. This was right about the time that Piper started waking up maybe 1-2 times a night, so EZ was taking one of the feedings and I was now getting sleep.
I would say about a week after visiting the psychiatrist, I was feeling better. I had stopped taking the medication for the PPD and was then just taking the sleeping medication. I still have the sleeping pills and I take them now only every now and then when I feel like I really need it.
All being said, I did have a rough few weeks mentally, emotionally, physically. I also really think the lack of sleep played a huge role. After I started sleeping more and feeling better, Piper also started being a little more engaging too and smiling which helped. I can honestly say now that I don't have any feelings of disattachment anymore which makes me feel good.
I know that from my experience this is really nothing compared to other moms who experience PPD sometimes for months and months. But I do feel like at least sharing my story so that others who read this (who haven't gone through pregnancy) have something to look at and realize that it is what it is and feel that if they need help, not be afraid to ask for it. Or just to know that while a lot of times, people says they are doing fine, behind closed doors they could be falling apart and just not want others to see.